As I'm looking on the inside, I see the breaks, tears, and rips. Not sure where they came from. Just knowing they need to be fixed. From guy to guy. Hurt to hurt. I'm beginning to wonder if i'm even fit for this.

I cant seem to find where I fit right in. Most guys are great when you meet them , but after a few weeks its a new story.

I know I'm not perfect , but I don't ask for much. I want to be love respected and honored. I need to feel I to matter. Perhaps I'm just a handful. A little too much of one for these guys now days. I demand too much maybe. I've sat back and let a guy control and I lost myself in the middle of it all I promised myself Id never do that again. Its almost like I cant find the perfect guy for me. What seems to be perfect changes in minutes.

I want to feel happy for the rest of my life. Not because of a guy ,but because i want to be happy. I don't know if you can fully give a guy what he needs or wants , but I know when the time is right prince charming will sweep me off my feet. I can truly say that gifts and flowers don't completely make me happy. I need to find joy in a males emotions. 

I love so hard when I love a man...

Dear Man, whoever you are out there. Wherever you are I love you. For I'm your future wife, and I want to marry you. I want to fulfill what it is that you need from a wife. I'd never cheat on you, Id never make you feel uncomfortable. Well at least Id try my hardest. I know there's no such thing as perfection but for you I want to be that.. I want to be that perfect wife. Hopefully one day Ill fill those shoes. I'm into love and fairy tales, but I'm not into a forced one that maybe after all was just in my mind. I guess you sold me thoughts of you that i thought were true. I learned along the way that maybe i don't know all of you. Your an amazing guy, but there's just some things you do that confuses me.    Things that hurt me. You openly do on purpose, and then admit it was dumb. Please don't be sorry with me if your not sorry. I'm woman enuff to accept that you feel different and we don't agree. Its not right to just appease me with those i'm sorry words. I know I fall deep so quickly. Maybe thats bad. I jump in head first so excited because I think i've found the one. But perhaps i'm a fool. I just want God to lead me in the right direction. Dear husband , wherever you are i'm your wife and i cant wait till we meet.love truly my heart and soul....

As I am single again guys that I talked to before I got in my relationship are now starting to come back and trying their best to "court" me again.

There was one fellow in particular I wish would LOSE MY NUMBER!

I talked to him for 4 or 5 mnths and I there were MANY things why we stopped talking. And the biggest was he was wayyy to cheap! Which is one thing I won't tolerate. I'm not cheap at all and I refuse to have α man that is.

This person lives 45min away from me. He wanted to take me out. I said fine. Let's go to dinner. He pushing on if I can meet him halfway. I said no, you wanna take me out. So pick me up and let's go. He then ask the most craziest question I ever heard from someone trying to take me out.

He asked, "Can you go half on the gas?"

I could NOT believe it! I was at work when I received the text and shared it with all my co-workers and they couldn't believe it...even the guys!

But I wasn't even surprised. I knew he was cheap before...

Before when we were talking I was unemployed and he got tired of me "not contributing" to the relationship. ie Not paying when we go out. Even though he knew I was broke. One time he went to α restaurant by HIMSELF and then called me and talked to me while he ate cause he didn't want to pay for me!

So I told him, "Look, how bout I meet you there and I will pay for my own meal and we can just go as friends!"

He said suuuuure!

Now he's bugging me to go out wit him again and I don't even want to. My work schedule is so hectic where I can only go out on the weekends really. I'm busy this Sat so I said how bout Sunday? He said well its 45min there and back and I gotta get up in the morning...

I said, "And! Aint like we goin to be chilling all damn day and night!"

But he still said no. I'm like "Look, I got some days off mid Jan so holla back then!" Lol

To me, if you REALLY want to see someone you really goin to try to work around people schedule and try to work it out! He on some other BS and I'm already tired of his ass!




Maybe he will get the hint. If not, I have NO problem hurting his feelings!

Hey! So havent been on here in awhile! Im so busy working. I decided to try Tumblr board again. It has a Blackberry app (Xanga needs to get on bored) and its a little bit different when it comes to posting. Gives you options to post, pics, audio, vids...and its EASY! I know when I post pics on here sometimes, for whatever reason, it may not come up!

So if anyone has an Blog there, please follow mine http://lovealwayskristen.tumblr.com and I will def follow back!

Love u all. Had a great time here...May come back one day...we shall see!

Im also a Twitter addict, follow me there @LuvlyKristen 

 

oxoxoxoxo

Kristen

Long time since I blogged. Lots have been happening...unfortunatly, not in a good way...

Im supposed to move to Chicago next month but I have been having SERIOUS car trouble. In the past 3 weeks I have put $500 into my car and my mechanic is STILL trying to fix it...its just an old car. 1990 Buick Lasabre. It has lots of problems. Ive had it for 2yrs and thats my baby. Her name is Beatrice and she is ALL I have. Shes my money maker. I basically just drive her to and from work and go out every once in a while on the weekends.

I dont even go on the freeways because I dont want to put too much pressure on her. I basically take the streets everywhere I go. Which is fine with me because I have had a terrible fear of semi-trucks for a very long time...and they are mostly on the freeways lol

I told myself this is the LAST time Im going to put money in my car. Its old and I really need to let her rest. I tried to get a loan from a Credit Union and they denied me! Said I had some delinquency on my credit report. So I went on there and looked...I had ONE thing...something from 08 that JUST reported to my credit July 1st (So I was even more pissed) and it was from checking acct I had overdrawn and never paid. I was like are u serious? My score is 671 also! Come on!

But I think the main thing was I told have hardly anything on my credit report...no mortgages, no rent, no car payments, no credit cards...only thing I have is my student loan. So I guessed that was really the reason. But, they said I couldnt even get a damn co-signer either! Ugh!!!

So Im going to pay off the the overdrawn checking acct and Im applied for a credit card with Ashley Stewart. My co-worker told me to do this rather than a reg crdit card because at least stores dont have annual/monthly fees. So I hope I get approved...crosses fingers!

Im very bummed with my car. This is the ONLY thing I have. Before I had my car, my parents and my sisters were taking me to and from work and they gave me HELL about taking me to work...they cussed me out everyday. Argued with me of when I was going to get a car until I got so DESPERATE I went and got anything I could for $1100. So I went for a 20yr old and 2yrs later its through! And Im back in the same position...

Ive cried and I cant sleep now because Im so nervous my mechanic wont be able to fix WHATEVER it is thats wrong (When im driving it keeps turning off).

All I can do is pray.

But in the meantime, I will be saving money. Hopefully $3000 and Im going to go to a dealership and hopfully I will have my credit card and buying things and paying it off to increase my credit score even more so I can get a GREAT car!

So I thought about it. Having the B-Day party on the boat is getting expensive. I want a $100 - $150 dress, hair, nails, make-up, and feet done, new shoes and accessories, birthday cake, and not even taking about the boat ticket and drinks that night….the $$$ is getting pretty high.

I also just decided I am moving to Chicago Aug 21st….and I need to sell my car before. It really needs struds which is $650 and I really can’t afford that. And I don’t want to go on a 5hr car ride with the car jumping up and down like crazy. So I am going to try to sell my car for AT LEAST $1000 (It’s a Burgundy 1990 Buick Lasabre…put at least $2000 into it already. Only thing it needs is struds. Just got a tune-up and oil change this past weekend so if you in the Detroit area or know someone who needs a car let me know. Or if you want to drive to come and see it let me know. Her name is Beatrice!) and use that to get another car…which I have to save for. I will try to get something that’s at least a 2000 and pay between $2500 - $3000.

So Big Boat Birthday Bash “Bye Bye”. Maybe another yr because I got to get more important stuff together.

I still believe I’m going to have a great birthday. My boyfriend is still going to come down. I REALLY think it’s just going to be me and him. I want to take him to this nice Jazz Club I love. It also has some great food and great drinks and we can go back to the room and have some great you-know-what! Hahahaha

Its so funny how I went from a big birthday party to just a nice dinner for 2. I’m still excited. And blessed to see another yr!